


Keystone

by orphan_account



Series: Lifeline (the series) [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Sequel, its so fluffy to be honest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9479573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sequel to Lifeline.aka the one where they're finally ready to face the world but they still have to finish high school, even though it nearly killed them the first time.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this isnt as good as the first one. i'm trying my best.  
> lifeline in a way was a vent fic for me so this sequel wont be much different.  
> my life is shit rn and honestly writing is the only thing i think im good at and this fic is pretty poor so take that how you will...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ brief mention of scars at the beginning

Tyler sighed as he caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror as he tugged a hoodie over his head. He froze for a second looking at the ugly scar that was still healing on his abdomen. He shook his head as he told himself not to think about it as he pushed the hem of his jumper down. He grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs for breakfast.

"Morning sweetheart." His mom smiled as she was placing plates of bacon and eggs in front of his siblings on the table. She placed one in front of him as he sat down but he only picked at it, he was too anxious to eat anything but he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it from his mother if he didn't at least pick at it.

Zack stole some of his bacon while their mother's back was turned and on any other day he might have snatched it back but today he was grateful.

"Coach wants you at extra practice tonight." Zack said through a mouthful of breakfast and Tyler clutched his fork a bit tighter. "He still thinks you were at training camp so you're gonna have to think up a reason why you look like you haven't practiced in two months."

"Okay." Tyler almost snapped but instead it just came out defeated.

"Tyler has enough to sort out today, without you piling on the pressure Zack." Kelly berated.

Zack looked down at his plate.

"Anyway, time for school." She said placing her hands on Maddy's shoulders and squeezing lovingly. "Are you sure you're okay driving yourself?"

"Yes mom." Tyler assured standing up and taking his car keys off the side, it had been a while since he last got behind the wheel but he was looking forward to it. "Zack, let's go." He said firmly and Zack quickly scurried to get his bag and head out.

Before he could go his younger siblings wished him luck and he smiled fondly at them. His mother followed him and his brother out of the house waiting for Zack to get in the passenger seat before taking Tyler's hand.

"I'm really proud of you, Tyler." she reminded him. "You need to come home early you don't hesitate to call me okay?"

Tyler nodded before scrunching his face in mock disgust as his mother kissed his forehead sloppily.

"Go on." she let him go with a chuckle.

Tyler made his way round his car and was just about to get into the driver's seat when his mother stopped him. "Oh, I forgot to say" she said over the roof of the car.

Tyler looked up at her confused.

"I got a call from Dr. Kemp yesterday, she said that Josh isn't receiving visitors on Saturday anymore, I'm sorry baby."

Tyler's heart dropped into his stomach, he swallowed hard before giving a shaky nod and getting in the car, ignoring Zack's questions. What if Josh had relapsed without Tyler there to look after him, he knew how hard it was to sleep without the familiar weight of the other beside them, or what if he just didn't want to see Tyler but didn't know how to tell him, anxiety had already been niggling away in his chest at his first day back in school after almost almost three months away, but now it was practically eating him alive, he just wanted this day to be over already.


	2. two

Tyler was so exhausted by the time after school practice was over he could barely get to his car.

He spent all day going around all his classes talking to teachers about catch up work, he'd been sent some work to do while he was away and Dr. Kemp had forced him to keep up with it, so there was only around two weeks worth of work he needed to actively catch up on. He already knew that he would most likely have to give up any free time he planned on having for the next few weeks while he got back up to speed.

Then there was the exhaustion of having to be social, it was like he forgot that being basketball captain made everyone feel the need to talk to you, at the facility everyone was pretty good at keeping to themselves so adjusting to so many people was intense and took a lot out of him. Not to mention that practice had hit him hard, he knew he had to over-perform in order to keep up the lie that he'd gone to a training camp (not a mental institution) and with being so out of practice he no longer had the stamina to keep up. He'd pushed himself too hard, he was going to burn himself out before the week was even over if he didn't slow down.

The only good thing that came from such an intensive first day back was that he hadn't had any time to think about the fact that he was no longer able to see Josh. But as he pulled into the driveway, the dull ache in his limbs still thudding along with his heart rate, it was all he could think about.

"Tell mom I'm going to sleep before dinner." he mumbled to Zack as they both headed into the house.

"Sure, are you okay?" Zack replied as Tyler tried to get past him to the stairs.

"I just need to rest and I'll be okay." Tyler sighed and Zack warily stepped out of his way.

"I wish Josh was here." he mumbled to no one as he headed up the stairs. He flopped face first into his bed almost immediately falling asleep when someone cleared their throat across the room.

Tyler twisted so he was sat bolt upright staring at the stranger sat on Zack's bed. His eyes lingered on brown curls and it took his mind time to process the nose ring and the signature smirk -sluggish from exhaustion- before he was scrabbling across the room and tackling the guest onto his brother's bed.

"Oh my gosh!" Tyler practically squealed. The other boy laughed happily, both of them suddenly becoming watery eyed at the reunion. "My mom told me I couldn't see you- I didn't think it was- oh my gosh your hair." he ran his hands through the thick brown curls.

"That tickles stop." They pushed at Tyler's wrist sitting up so they were sat with Tyler almost in their lap.

"Josh." Tyler said their eyes meeting. "I love you." he reminded him.

Josh smiled widely crashing his lips into Tyler's, Tyler felt giddy, he'd missed the feel of Josh pressed against him. He felt sure this was a dream; he'd fallen asleep on his bed a minute ago and now he was dreaming a wonderful dream. He kissed all over Josh's face just to check. Josh laughed and blushed and Tyler's heart had never felt so light.

"I love you too." Josh replied. "Nice shorts." he added with a smirk eyes dragging over Tyler's basketball attire. Tyler smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

Exhaustion quickly caught up with Tyler however and before he could stop it a sob broke out of his chest but he managed to compose himself, squeezing his eyes shut. Josh's hand was on his cheek instantly brow furrowed in worry.

"Sorry, it's just been a crappy day." He gripped Josh's shoulder not opening his eyes just yet, visibly relaxing when he felt Josh's lips work smoothly against his own. Every muscle eased itself, his whole weight pressing him further into Josh's embrace, Tyler wanted to get lost in this moment forever.

Instead, they were interrupted by the bedroom door swinging open.

"Tyler mom said-" Zack stopped when his eyes fell onto his brother, wrapped in his boyfriend's arms on his bed rather than his own. "Really?! _My_ bed, Tyler!" Zack practically shouted, exasperated. Josh ducked his head as he blushed and Tyler thought it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

"We weren't gonna do anything." Tyler shrugged casually. Zack looked twice as disgusted as though that thought hadn't even crossed his mind.

Tyler chuckled before extracting himself from Josh's lap and leading him by the hand over to his own bed. They perched on the side of it and Tyler raised his eyebrows as a silent signal for Zack to get on with whatever he had to say.

With a huff Zack continued. "Mom said Josh was staying for dinner and that you have to keep the door open."

Tyler sighed, "Fine. Was that it?"

"Yeah. Dinner is in an hour." Zack turned to leave but then stopped, fixing his eyes on Josh. "Hey, I'm glad you're out Josh." He gave a weak smile and Josh returned it with a quiet, shy "T-thank you." Then Zack left the room, leaving to door open.

Tyler yawned as he turned to Josh, and Josh muffled his laughter by biting his tongue between his teeth.

"Do you mind if I take a nap?" He asked and Josh kissed his nose.

"Want to cuddle like before?"

Tyler wanted to cry, he'd missed Josh so much. He nodded frantically, yanking Josh onto the bed as he moved to lie down.

"Missed you." Tyler mumbled into Josh's chest as he tangled their limbs and got settled.

"I missed you more Tyler." He said sadly but suddenly his chest was fluttering because Tyler was placing light kisses against his chest and shoulder before snuggling down again.

They were asleep within minutes.


	3. three

After dinner Tyler's mother insisted that Josh let Tyler drive him home and Tyler was more than happy to get some more alone time with his boyfriend.

Tyler linked their fingers together as they headed to the front door, Josh instinctively went to withdraw his hand before remembering he didn't have to hide anymore and relaxing, another beaming smile spreading across his face. Tyler mirrored it instantly squeezing his fingers.

They let go just long enough to get into the car before Tyler was pulling Josh over the centre console to kiss him again. Josh sighed into the kiss.

"So," Tyler replied once his lips disconnected from Josh's. "Which way to your house?"

"Actually," Josh rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I only live like a couple minutes away, I'm only 'round the corner."

Tyler laughed and so did Josh, eyes scrunching both looking away from one another to compose themselves.

"Do you ever feel like the universe is trying to tell you something?" Tyler smiled as he started up the car.

"You're so soft." Josh poked his shoulder, but Tyler just swatted his hand away. His swatting was interrupted by Josh holding onto his hand and cradling it in his lap.

"Maybe." Tyler surrendered. "But you're not such a tough guy either." He teased and Josh blushed looking down at Tyler's hands. Tyler hadn't seen him so shy before, his cheeks had never had so much colour on them and Tyler decided the outside world suited Josh, he seemed to get back a spirit he didn't have back at the facility.

Tyler stole his hand back in favour of pulling out of his drive and Josh mumbled out directions, but it wasn't long before Tyler was offering his hand out for Josh to take again -which he did instantly.

Tyler sighed happily. "It's so nice not having to hide anymore." Josh smiled and ducked his head, Tyler was going to have to get used to this development. "That's nicer though." He said out loud and Josh looked up confused.

"What is?"

"This whole blushing thing you keep doing, it's wonderful, happiness suits you Josh."

Despite his best efforts Josh couldn't stop the bright red shade his whole face turned, he looked down in his lap and fiddled with Tyler's hand that he was holding.

He looked up then, realising they were on his street, when his house came into view he pointed it out, there was a boy on the driveway, sat on the roof of one of the cars parked there. He looked so much like Josh Tyler almost did a double take.

"Oh great." Josh muttered, also seeing his brother, who was getting down from the car.

"What's wro-" Tyler started but Josh cut him off.

"Please ignore anything he's about to say." He said hastily and Tyler let out a nervous laugh, before he could respond however there was a knock on the car window, Tyler jumped before unwinding his window.

" _Joshie bear._ " He beamed, leaning through it slightly and Josh shot him a glare.

" _Jordy poo._ " He spat back with no malice. Jordan's smile never faltered but his gaze flicked onto Tyler and suddenly Tyler was very aware that he was trapped.

"Hi I'm Jordan, you must be Tyler." Tyler only nodded, swallowing thickly, his palms were sweaty with nerves and he knew Josh could tell from holding his hand, he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't even think about it." Josh warned and Jordan feigned innocence, stepping back from the window to put his arms up in mock surrender.

"Alright touchy, just wanted to get to know him." He mumbled back and Tyler visibly relaxed.

"Yeah, sure." Josh said disbelievingly. "Why are you sat outside anyway?"

Jordan leant back into the window, resting a hand on the roof. "They're fighting again." He sounded ashamed, his eyes flickering over Tyler, assessing whether he should be talking about this in front of him.

"What's it about this time?" Josh sighed, slumping back into his seat.

"Grandpa, mainly" Jordan shrugged.

"Is that all?" Josh pushed, reading between the lines, Tyler squeezed his hand.

Jordan hesitated, shaking his head. "Abby's wedding, Ashley's grades, Auntie's divorce, _you_." Josh stiffened, but the look on his face told Tyler this wasn't uncommon, he smiled sadly in support when he caught Josh's eye.

"Okay, well go inside I'll be in in a minute." Josh said after a long pause. The 14-year-old nodded before retreating back into the house, but not before smiling at Tyler, one last time.

"Nice to meet you Tyler."

"You too." Tyler replied weakly.

"Use protection." Jordan called over his shoulder as he walked away.

Tyler almost choked as Josh turned bright red.

"Sorry." Josh mumbled embarrassed.

"It's okay, he's funny." Tyler composed himself, smiling at Josh and Josh smiled back, the tips of his ears still pink as the blush refused to drain away. "Hey," Tyler leant forward kissing Josh sweetly. "You okay?" he asked, placing his free hand on Josh's cheek, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.

Josh nodded but Tyler knew the broken look on his face far too well.

"Do you need to stay at my house tonight?" Tyler asked, then he remembered Jordan's words from before and suddenly he was stuttering out an apology. "I-I, not like that, not that I wouldn't do that, it's just-oh gosh-this is a-all wrong." Josh let go of his hand to place both palms firmly on his shoulders, he chuckled as he tried to quiet him.

"Tyler, Tyler it's okay. I know what you meant. But you have school tomorrow so I'll be okay." Tyler looked down in his lap picking at one of his nails when he felt Josh nudge him, forcing him to look up at him.

Josh bit his lip. "How am I ever going to get out of this car.?" He sighed and Tyler felt like his heart was fit to burst.

"I missed you so much." Tyler said before leaning in and waiting for Josh to do the same. Josh smiled and closed the gap to kiss Tyler slowly, after a few weeks of being apart, the lazy moves of his lips on Tyler's felt like home.

"I love you." Josh reminded him when he broke away. "Drive safe."

Tyler nodded. "I love you too."

Josh was just about to get out the car when he remembered something. "Oh, wait, give me your number."

"Why? Think you might get lucky?" He teased, raising an eyebrow. Josh flushed again but punched him in the shoulder, rolling his eyes but laughing too.

Tyler laughed again and gestured for Josh to hand him his phone which he did, and Tyler put in his number in, and with no warning he took a picture of himself kissing Josh's cheek, Josh let out a small grunt of surprise making Tyler laugh again. He set it as his contact photo and then sent himself a text.

He handed Josh his phone and went to save Josh's number, Josh snatched his phone and opened the camera, Tyler pouted before Josh was kissing him with force. He heard the click of the camera but he barely processed it, lost in the feel of Josh's tongue sliding across his own. Far too soon Josh was pulling away, handing him his phone and stepping out the car. Tyler watched him in a daze.

He was snapped back to reality when Josh leant in the window, face stopping mere inches from Tyler's own.

"Did I already tell you I love you?" He smiled and Tyler rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you dork." But he brought his hands up to cradle Josh's face, smirking, "Still, it doesn't hurt be reminded I guess." He shrugged before capturing Josh's lips in a chaste kiss before Josh was walking up his drive towards his house.

Tyler might have checked Josh out as he went, shaking his head with a giddy laugh before starting his drive back home.


	4. four

"Tyler time for lunch." His mother shouted through the kitchen window that overlooked the garden.

"Just twelve more baskets." He shouted back before turning his attention to aiming his basketball. He heard the sound of the back door opening and his mother stepped out, her arms folded.

"Tyler, I thought we discussed this, you don't need to do five hundred baskets anymore, it was wrong of me to do that." She said sadly. Tyler continue to make his shots, as she spoke.

"You just wanted me to be the best." He huffed as he sank another ball through the net.

"Tyler." She said more firmly.

He shot another ball, shouting out a triumphant, "Five hundred!" as it swooped through the net. Grinning he headed towards the back door.

" _Tyler._ "

He stopped then, looking sheepishly at his mother's raised eyebrow.

"I'm doing them for myself mom." He assured her. "I mean it!" He pushed when he saw his mother had no intention of moving on from the matter. "Look, I have to get better, I've not played in over two months and I'm supposed to have been non-stop playing it for that time, I can't go backwards or everyone will know, they're relying on me mom." He shuffled his feet awkwardly.

His mother pulled him into a tight hug. "Tyler, honey," she moved to take his cheeks in her palms, looking at his face. "If you want me to tell your coach the truth, I can, he won't be so hard on you, and he'll keep it discreet, I'll make sure of it. You don't have to be ashamed of who you are Tyler Robert Joseph, I like to think that's not how I raised you."

"I don't want special treatment mom, I just want to be treated the same as everyone else, no more kid gloves I'm not fragile, I'm still me, I'm still" he took a deep breath, "human." He whispered.

"Okay then." His mother smiled fondly, kissing his forehead. "Just don't try to run a marathon when you've only just learnt how to walk okay? I don't want you to burn yourself out." She let go of his face then, rubbing a hand up his arm and he nodded.

"Thanks mom."

She smiled at him before putting an arm around him to lead him inside.

"It's okay, now please go and do something today, maybe go see Josh, do something normal and teenager-y please." She sighed exasperatedly as she placed his lunch down in front of him and Tyler smiled nodding firmly, he didn't need to be told twice, he'd take every chance he could get to see Josh.

 _tyler:_   
_want to hang out?_

 _softie:_   
_always. Come over?_

 _tyler:_   
_there in 10_

Tyler smiled as he stuffed the last of his food in his mouth and practically raced to get showered and dressed before bounding down the stairs with a quick call to his mother about his plans.

-

Josh saw an unfamiliar car pull up outside the house and opened the front door wondering if it was Tyler. Just as he did so Jordan joined him on the front door step pulling on his jacket.

"Dad just went to Grandpa's," He mumbled thinking that was the reason Josh was peering out the front of the house. "and I think mom took Abby shopping."

Josh was about to ask where he was going when his other sister practically ran past him and down the drive.

"Where are you going?" He called after her, she didn't stop, simply turned her head as she opened the passenger side door of the waiting car.

"Date!" She shouted back with a smile before she was being driven off.

Josh stared on in bemusement. "How long has that been going on for?"

"Well, mom caught them making out on the back porch a couple nights before you came home so a while. Andrew's nice though so."

He trailed off as he saw the set in Josh's jawline. He smacked his older brother on the shoulder. "Don't worry you couldn't make Ash swear off menforever, lighten up dude! She's safe." Josh sighed and shook his head.

"I know." He said and just then Tyler's car pulled up to the house, Josh immediately perked up. He slapped his brother upside the head when Jordan snorted at his brother's sudden change of mood.

Tyler walked up to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and hugging him. Jordan simply rolled his eyes and headed down the drive.

"I'm going to Aaron's." He explained.

Josh nodded over Tyler's shoulder, before he started moving backward into the house, he didn't break the hug which caused both boys to laugh as they stumbled into the house.

Josh finally let Tyler go to shut the door, before he was rounding on him again, a massive cheesy grin on his face. Tyler blushed as he mirrored Josh's smile with his own, before he was grunting as Josh barrelled into him, knocking over the arm of the couch. Only he was a little too keen and the pair immediately rolled onto the floor, Tyler ending up lay on top of Josh, they landed with a groan that quickly fell into laughter.

"Someone's excited?" Tyler quirked an eyebrow, about to move off when he felt Josh's arms wrap around his boyfriend's waist.

"Just missed you." Josh hummed pressing a kiss to Tyler's nose.

"I always miss you, but that was bound to happen when we got used to sharing a bed." Tyler bent down then, pressing his lips to Josh's, his heart fluttering at the contact. Josh pulled him closer, as one of Tyler's hands cupped his jaw, Josh couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped him as their teeth clashed but neither one broke the kiss. Josh pushed himself up to half sitting position as Tyler deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into Josh's mouth.

They broke apart just long enough for them to get to their feet and for Josh to lead Tyler to his room before Tyler was pushing Josh down onto the bed their lips already reattached. Tyler moved his head down to kiss along Josh's jaw causing a low moan to escape the older boy's lips.

"Tyler."

Tyler hummed in response, sucking a bruise into Josh's collarbone. Josh's hands slew to his hair. Tyler's hand slipped up the hem of Josh's t-shirt. "Tyler." Josh said much firmer, trying to push Tyler's head off him so he would look him in the eyes. Immediately Tyler moved back a look of panic in his eyes.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry did I hurt you?" Josh grabbed his face, shaking his head as he brought him in for a slow kiss.

"I just, I don't want to go too fast." Josh's cheeks tinted pink.

"Of course." Tyler relaxed, he smiled at Josh. "I love you." He reminded him.

"I-it's not –I don't-" Josh struggled to find the right words as Tyler shifted off him, to curl around his side, pecking a kiss into his shoulder for reassurance.

"Sshhh, it's okay." Tyler interlaced their fingers, cuddling closer to Josh. Josh squeezed his eyes shut.

"No it's not." He said turning to look at Tyler. Tyler just nodded and nosed at his cheek, squeezing his hand. Josh took a deep breath before staring at the ceiling. "You're not the only one with scars they don't want people to see."

"Hey." Tyler said getting Josh's attention. "I don't care, I'll love you no matter what, just like when I showed you mine, you said you'd wait until I was ready even if it took fifty years and I'll do the same, heck, I'll wait seventy if that's what you need."

Josh felt a tear escape his eyes then and Tyler caught it with the back of a finger and wiped it away.

"I don't deserve you Tyler."

"You're right you deserve better." Tyler said pressing his forehead to Josh's.

Josh shook his head in mock anger.

"Shut up."

Tyler only laughed and kissed Josh again.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ mentions of scars, mentions of relapsing and reference to Josh's suicide attempt (it's not too detailed/heavy but i thought i'd warn)
> 
> also for future reference in this fic Abby is 22 Josh is nearly 18, jordan is 14 and ashley is 16/17 (i know abby is the youngest irl but i said she was getting married in lifeline so im rolling with it lol)

"Josh did you still need me to-" Josh blinked his eyes open as his sister stood in his bedroom doorway her face flushing red with embarrassment. "Sorry." She whispered. Josh shook his head to say it was okay, feeling Tyler shift against his side, his finger curling tighter into his shirt, he was still asleep so Josh just motioned for Abby to come closer so he could talk to her.

"He's cute." Abby whispered and Josh couldn't help but smile down at the sleeping boy, he was drooling slightly but Josh didn't mind he thought it was too adorable to care. "I came to ask if you still needed me to drive you to the cemetery?"

Josh's face fell a little but he nodded slowly.

Abby patted his leg. "We can go later," she smiled sadly, "maybe Tyler will come?"

Josh knew he would but he wasn't sure if he wanted Tyler there with him this time.

"Maybe next time." He replied careful not to wake Tyler. Abby only nodded her understanding before heading out the door.

"Just let me know when okay?" She said turning to shut the door before she added quickly. "Did you ask him yet?" Her eyes flickered over to Tyler then back to Josh, who shook his head. Abby gave him an exasperated look. "Well get on with it dummy!"

Before Josh could protest she closed the door softly.

Josh tried to shift subtly in order to get more comfortable, his arm under Tyler had gone numb and he was trying to get feeling back without moving much but Tyler stirred awake regardless. He rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands as he moved off Josh. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, blushing as he saw Josh staring.

"We need to stop falling asleep when we're together." Tyler chuckled.

"Old habits are hard to break I guess." Josh sat up too, rolling his shoulder to get feeling back in it, wincing as he flexed through the pins and needles. Tyler winced too.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, I'm honoured." Josh laughed and Tyler couldn't help but take in this new brighter version of Josh. He hadn't realised how much the facility had drained the life out of him, considering why he must've ended up in there.

"That place didn't suck the life out of me, Ty. I did that myself." Josh's smile had dropped, and Tyler flushed bright red as he realised he'd spoken his thoughts allowed. Tyler couldn't help but be struck by the realisation that he didn't actually know how Josh ended up in there, they'd never talked about it not properly, not without being forced to by one of Dan's group sessions.

"But you're so different now, not in a bad way or in a way that feels any less you it's just," Tyler shifted so he was sat cross-legged facing Josh, his gaze intense. "When we met, you were so quiet, careful with your words I guess, and you used to look right through me and at first it was intimidating but now, when you look at me like that I feel safe, like, like you know everything about me and you're not repulsed." Tyler knew he was rambling. "Maybe, maybe it is soft, maybe we're both much softer now that- now that we don't have to sneak around and now that I know why you pushed me away all those times."

Josh flinched at the memories, he refused to look Tyler in the eye, he could hear he was about to cry and he knew if Tyler, stubborn perfect Tyler was going to finish this he couldn't breakdown just yet and he would if Josh looked at him.

"I just, everytime you blush or laugh or hold my hand in front of people, it's like I'm falling all over again and I remember that day sometimes, I know you do to, when I almost los- when you almost-"

He can't say it, can't seem to swallow the lump in his throat but he doesn't have to because Josh finally looks at him, his own eyes filled with tears and he nods to let Tyler know he understands.

"I meant it, when I said you were all I had, I meant everything I said to you that day. I remember that day and I kiss you or you laugh or you play with your hair and I want to cry because you're real!" Tyler's fists are wrapped his Josh's shirt again as Josh shifts closer to him. "You're real and you're here and you don't even know how perfect you are Josh." Josh looks away then going to move away but Tyler only pulls in his shirt tighter and brings him closer. "I don't just love you Josh, I'm in love with you and you have to know that, you have to."

"I'm so sorry." Josh chokes out a sob, mentally berating himself for not keeping it together. "I'm so sorry for hurting you Tyler I'll never forgive myself." Tyler pulled Josh into his lap and cradled him, running his hands through Josh's hair as he soothed him.

"Hey, you were doing what you thought was right Josh, it's not your fault I relapsed, it's no one's fault, it happens, it's not your fault you relapsed either. It doesn't make you wrong or weak or mean you won't get better, sometimes things get too much and we cope however we know best, and that's okay, that's forgivable." Tyler took Josh's head in his hands, wiping away tears with the pads of his thumb. "I forgive you." He said pointedly as Josh shook under his hands. Tyler kissed Josh slowly. Josh pushed back with urgency he needed Tyler to understand how much he cared for him, how much he meant to him.

They pulled apart after a few minutes, Tyler's hands coming to rest on Josh's hips.

Josh took a deep breath before sitting back slightly and removing his t-shirt, Tyler raised his eyebrows before realisation dawned on him.

"Josh, are you sure?" He breathed out, keeping his eyes up on Josh's, Josh hesitated before nodding slowly.

"You said you're in love with me didn't you?" Josh voice is hesitant and Tyler knows he's feeling exactly how he did when he'd shown Josh his arms. Slowly Tyler's eyes scanned his torso, he took in the small scar on Josh's chest from when he'd taken the shard of mirror to his chest. Josh seemed to be trying to half cover with his arms and suddenly Tyler realised what this was about.

Further down Tyler could see his abdomen was littered with scars, most faded to tiny white scratches but some still in the process of scarring over, big, angrier more pink. But he'd seen them before, he'd walked in on Josh shirtless a few times at the facility they didn't phase him one bit. They looked sore though and Tyler's heart ached, but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything short of love. These were just proof of how strong Josh was, of all he'd overcome.

Carefully he brought his gaze up to the scar on his chest, gently pulling Josh's hand away so he could see it. Josh was trembling but Tyler squeezed his hand. "Hey," he finally said placing a light kiss in the centre of his chest before looking up at Josh. Josh wouldn't look at him, practically biting through his bottom lip in an attempt to be brave. "You're so strong and this," Tyler brushed the tip of his finger beside the scarring. "It's proof. Josh you went through so much and thats just a side effect of being a survivor." He tried to force Josh to look at him but he stared down in lap, a few tears escaping down his face.

"I-it hurts people." He managed to get out the words.

"It only hurts because they know they couldn't do anything to prevent it, and that's okay, they know it was a fight you needed to face alone. But Josh," He tilted his chin so they finally made eye contact. "You did it! You won and i think that's something to be so proud of. I'm so proud of you."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head a little.

"Josh, i don't want you to think i'm making this about me but look," He removed his hand from Josh's chin (his other still gripping onto Josh's hand tightly) and lifted his t-shirt to reveal the scar that Josh hadn't actually seen yet. "Would you tell me any of the nasty things the voice in your head is telling you about your scar?"

"No, of course not, you're beautiful." Josh said almost instantly, somewhat offended.

Tyler let a small laugh out. "Then, stop saying them to yourself okay?" Tyler said finally letting go of his hand in favour of cradling Josh's cheeks and wiping away his tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Besides, no one's gonna pay attention to it once they notice how absolutely adorable your freckles are." He wiggled his eyebrows and Josh couldn't stop himself from letting out a blushing laugh, he gently smacked Tyler's chest.

"Stop it."

"No, really, they're like little constellations. Just more proof you're out of this world." It was so cheesy that Josh couldn't stop the groan that escaped him. Tears forgotten, he pulled Tyler in for a bruising kiss.

"That was so bad." He berated but Tyler only shrugged.

"It made you smile though didn't it?" Tyler teased back, their foreheads pressed together.

Tyler threaded a hand into Josh's brown curls, nudging their noses together. Josh let out a watery laugh before kissing Tyler again.

"I'm in love with you too." Josh said when they finally pulled apart, but Tyler was grinning wider than Josh had ever seen, pulling Josh back in for another earth shattering kiss. In that moment Tyler knew he was never letting Josh go, not ever.

"You're staying at my house tonight." Tyler said as they broke for air, panting hard. Josh raised his eyebrow. "My mom will not let me stay here, but she'll let you stay over because she knows we'd never try anything if Zack was in the room, which he will be." Tyler grimaced. "I'm not sleeping without you, not now I know how much you love me."

Josh only nodded with a smile before pushing Tyler back onto the bed so he was lay on top of him, before rolling onto his side with a laugh and resuming their kissing. They kissed until their jaws ached and they were so lightheaded from lack of oxygen they had no choice but to part.

"I'll text my mom then." Tyler said pecking Josh's bare shoulder and searching for his phone.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another quick notice for people who may have been confused and just skipped to this "new" chapter, i have REWRITTEN some bits and REUPLOADED the whole fic, if you really cba to re-read the whole thing the previous chapter is the one you really need to re-read its the one i changed most :) thanks for the support

"Did you get ten for the last question? I spent so long on that one i thought i was gonna throw my calculator across the room in frustration." Jenna pulled her bag straps over her shoulders as she followed Tyler out of their math class.

Tyler furrowed his brow. "I thought the answer as eight?" Jenna groaned and rubbed her face.

"I hate math!" She gave a dramatic shake of her fist at the sky. Tyler simply slumped an arm around her shoulders, chuckling to himself before he pulled her out of the school building towards the parking lot.

"Hey, isn't that Josh?" Jenna caught Tyler off-guard, he immediately snapped his head up to see, sure enough Josh was walking out of the building opposite, his mother beside him. Tyler checked his phone, but he hadn't had a text from Josh since last night, he frowned. "Did he not tell you he'd be here?" Jenna pressed reading the confused expression on Tyler's face.

"Meet you at my car?" Tyler said, barely giving Jenna enough time to nod before he was heading over to where Josh was almost at his mother's car. He vaguely registered Jenna calling out his name but he ignored her, Josh still hadn't noticed him and his face looked anxious.

"Josh!" Tyler called out when he was close enough, a few people glanced his way at the outburst but immediately lost interest.

Josh finally looked up at Tyler, pausing with the passenger door half open, his mother already inside the car.

"Hey." Josh smiled warmly at the sight of his boyfriend and Tyler couldn't deny the small sense of relief that the gesture provided him.

"What are you doing here?" Tyler pulled his boyfriend in for a hug, but Josh seemed hesitant to return it, weary of the busy parking lot.

"Long story, can we maybe talk about it later?" He looked embarrassed to have to ask, and Tyler simply nodded his understanding.

"Sure, do you want me to come over after dinner? or you can always stop at mine tonight?"

Josh hesitated before meeting Tyler's gaze. "I'll text you." He leant forward in a silent gesture to let Tyler know he could kiss him if he wanted, which Tyler accepted, placing a chaste peck to his lips before Josh was getting into the car.

Mrs. Dun smiled at Tyler through the window before pulling out of the parking lot. With a heavy sigh Tyler slumped back across the busy parking lot towards his own car, where Jenna was leant against the hood.

"Everything okay?" she frowned at the tired expression on Tyler's face.

"Yeah, he said he'd see me later." The pair got into the car, Jenna immediately fiddling with the radio until *NSYNC was blaring from the speakers, Tyler laughed. Just as he was about to pull out he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he pulled it out.

_softie:_   
_i'm mad @ myself_

_softie:_   
_i didn't tell you i love you_

_softie:_   
_i love you :D_

Tyler rolled his eyes but he couldn't hide the way his cheeks went bright pink, his heart picking up its pace. Without asking Jenna snatched the phone from his hands and made a fake gagging noise.

"You're so cute, i hate it." She teased, squeezing Tyler's cheek. He smacked her hand away.

"Just because you're single." Tyler teased and Jenna punched him in the arm.

"Just for that, you owe me ice cream." She teased as Tyler finally pulled out of the school.

"Oh do i now?" Tyler raised his eyebrow.

"Mhmm, with sprinkles and strawberry sauce." Jenna added. Tyler laughed.

"Well then, I guess we better go get some ice cream then."

-

When Tyler pulled up outside the Dun's house after dinner, he had expected Josh to come bounding out the house like always but he didn't. Tyler was just typing out a text to him when he saw another car pull into the drive.

Josh stepped out of the passenger side, he looked tired, Tyler immediately scrambled out of his car and up the drive to him. The sound of his door slamming causing Josh to look up.

Josh hastily ran a hand over his face as Tyler approached.

"Sorry, I'm running late." He mumbled as Tyler finally reached him.

"It's okay," Tyler placed a hand on his cheek, he could see even in the dull evening light that Josh's eyes were red and puffy from crying. "Hey, are you okay?" Tyler searched his face for an answer.

Josh closed his eyes and pressed further into Tyler's touch, but before he could respond a voice cut him off.

"Josh I'm going back inside do I need to leave the door unlocked?" Tyler looked over at Abby Dun with a small smile. "Hey Tyler." She smiled as they made eye contact.

"Hold on I'll come too." Josh said not turning to look at her. He pulled Tyler in for a light kiss. "I'll go grab my stuff and meet you in your car okay?" Tyler nodded before watching Josh head back inside.

It was only a few minutes before Josh was exiting his house, locking the front door behind himself and climbing into the passenger seat of Tyler's car.

As Tyler pulled away he reached out to take Josh's hand across the dash. It was only a short ride to his house, so they sat in a comfortable silence, just the low hum of sigor ros in the background. Josh had never felt safer as he squeezed Tyler's hand in his and gave him an affectionate grin.

As soon as they were back at the Joseph household Tyler pulled Josh into his room, he kicked Zack out much to his annoyance.

"Keep the door open!" He heard his mother huff from the bottom of the stairs, obviously bumping into a grumbling Zack as he went to do his homework in the kitchen.

"Yes mom!" Tyler shouted back with a roll of his eyes. Josh smiled as he settled on the edge of Tyler's bed, pulling off his jacket.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Josh said suddenly and Tyler took a minute to understand what he was referring to. "I guess I was just embarrassed."

Tyler sat beside him and took his hand, cradling it in his lap. "Embarrassed?" He pressed, brow furrowed, eyes searching.

Josh ducked his head fiddling with the string of his hoodie with his free hand. "I'm supposed to have graduated this year, but I won't so my mom made me promise to finish high school so she took me to sign up for summer school today."

"Josh, that's not embarrassing." Tyler replied softly his heart swelling with fondness. Josh looked up at him eyes wide with relief.

"It's not?"

Tyler shook his head with a smile. "No, I'm really proud of you actually. So does that mean you'll graduate in the summer instead?"

Josh blushed and ducked his head. "Not exactly."

Tyler sat back his face forming a little 'o' shape.

"I was institutionalised when i was a sophomore and it took me a while to be okay enough to do the tutoring sessions so I took a long time to finish sophomore year, so summer school will cover junior year, and then hopefully I can do senior year at the same time as..." he trailed off, a nervous smile on his face.

"We'll be in senior year together?" Tyler was a lot more excited than perhaps he should've been.

"If I don't tank summer school." Josh smiled a bit bigger, Tyler's excitement was too infectious.

"You won't!" Tyler smiled, "'cos I will be right here to help you."

"You'd do that?" Josh asked, turning to face Tyler properly.

"Josh, I love you of course I wanna help you." Tyler replied before pulling Josh in for a slow sweet kiss.

Josh smiled and kissed Tyler's nose as they parted.

"I know I say this a lot, but I really don't deserve you. Most people wouldn't stick around someone like me."

"What do you mean 'someone like you'?" Tyler furrowed his brow and shifted closer to josh until he was practically in his lap. "Someone who's kind?" He kissed Josh's temple. "or protective?" he kissed his cheek, "or breathtakingly handsome?" he kissed his jaw. "or brave and strong?" he kissed his neck and Josh shivered. "or covered in adorable little freckles?" Tyler kissed his collarbone. Josh scrunched his nose his face bright red and he pushed a giggling Tyler away.

"Stop it, I'm not-" he trailed off at the look Tyler gave him. "I love you."

"I love you more _Joshie bear_." He laughed as Josh groaned at the childhood nickname.

"Tyler," he whined flopping back on the bed. "we were having a moment."

"Quick let me save it." Tyler smiled leaning over Josh to capture his lips in another perfect gentle kiss.


	7. seven

Tyler's legs felt shaky, like they would give out with every careful step forward that he took. The rain drizzled down, making the grass beneath his feet spongey and he wrapped his arms around Josh's arm tighter. They finally reached their destination, standing over the white marble tombstone, placing the small bouquet of flowers Tyler's mom had bought for them down. 

The pair remained silent, the only sound around them the small buzz of the rain and the crinkle of plastic as the bouquet settled at the base of the grave. 

"She'd like those." Josh said quietly and Tyler nodded, resting his head on Josh's shoulder. He rubbed his thumbs back and forth over Josh's arm before placing a firm kiss onto his shoulder. 

"She'd love them because you gave them to her." Tyler promised, blinking away the rain water gathering on his lashes. Josh gave a small smile before gently brushing water from where it gathered in droplets at the end of Tyler's nose. 

The pair stood in silence after that, staring at the neatly engraved letters that spelled out Ruby's name. Until Tyler finally broke it. 

Hesitant soft words, barely audible at first slipped from his mouth. 

_"you're an angel fallen down,_   
_won't you tell us of the clouds,_   
_you have fallen from the sky,_   
_how high? how high?"_

His voice was shaky and raw but the moment he started singing Josh's head snapped up to look at him. His own eyes filling with tears at the beautiful words. 

"Did you..." He tried to say but he didn't trust his voice to work. 

Tyler nodded and wiped Josh's cheeks with a gentle brush of his knuckles. "I wrote a whole song, but I guess I was scared to show it to you, she meant a lot to you I didn't want you to dislike it." He replied shyly, kissing Josh's shoulder again before resting his head on it. 

"Sing it for me?" Josh said breathlessly as the rain water began seeping through their clothes, making them shiver. 

Tyler lifted his head and Josh laced their fingers together, Tyler's other arm still wrapped tightly around his own. 

"Ruby I hope I see you..." Tyler began singing cautiously, but slowly growing in confidence at the look of complete aw on Josh's face. 

As his voice trailed of to signal the end of the song Josh bit his lip, small tears dripping off his cheeks and getting lost in the rain water. 

"She really liked you, ya know." Josh replied, "She told me that I wasn't allowed to let you go." 

"She always was a smart girl." Tyler teased and Josh scoffed with a weak smile before leaning in to press a slow gentle kiss on Tyler's lips. 

"Thank you." Josh whispered before resting his head on Tyler's shoulder this time. Tyler didn't respond, unsure who Josh was talking to, himself or ruby. 

"I love you." Tyler reminded him. "But we're gonna get sick if we don't leave soon." He warned and Josh nodded. 

"See you soon Ruby." He sighed, gently running two fingers over her name before stepping back and pulling Tyler with him. 

"Thank you." Tyler said under his breath to the grave before letting Josh guide him out of the cemetery and towards where Josh's sister was waiting in her car for them.

They got back in the car in heavy silence, Josh slumped against the window in the passenger seat. His sister gave him a worried look before turning to Tyler was a sad smile. Tyler gave her a reassuring smile back, reaching forward to grab Josh's hand between the seats. 

Abby just simply turns and begins driving them back to Josh's house. She tries to fill in the silence with idle chatter, mainly about her upcoming wedding which Tyler shows an interest in, if only to be polite and take the burden of conversation away from Josh. 

"Have you thought about what suit you're wearing yet?" Abby asks and instantly Josh is sitting up straighter to look at her, glaring practically and Abby immediately trails off. Tyler looks between the two siblings confused. 

"A suit?" He asks and sheepishly Abby looks at him in the rear-view mirror. 

"You didn't ask him did you?" She says to Josh ignoring Tyler's question. 

"No." Josh says bluntly and Tyler feels hurt enough to let go of his hand. Josh seems to panic when he feels Tyler pull away, and for a second his hand tries to follow Tyler's to grab it again. Just then they pull into the driveway and Josh is looking at his sister like he wants to bite her head off. "I can't believe you." Is all he says before he's practically throwing himself out the car and running inside the house. 

Abby sighs and rubs her face, ignoring the tears forming in her eyes. "Can't do anything right." She mutters mainly to herself as though she's forgotten that Tyler is sitting in the backseat incredibly confused and worried about his boyfriend. 

"He's scared of something but he'll be okay." Tyler says softly and Abby almost laughs because she's heard that before, right before he begged her to coat his hair in bleach, right before her and Ashley found him unconscious on the bathroom floor. 

"He never told you did he..." she turns to look at Tyler, pulling the key from the ignition. "That i was the one who found him." 

Immediately Tyler can't find air, it's all gone but then he takes a breath only to find his eyes welling up. He reached forward to squeeze Abby's hand where it sits on her lap. 

There are no words Tyler can say to make that feeling go away, and he knows because he sees it in his mother's eyes every time he catches her staring at him when she thinks he can't see. 

Without another word, Tyler silently exits the car and heads into the house, giving Abby some privacy to compose herself. 

He heads straight for Josh's bedroom and enters without knocking. Josh is curled up in the corner of the room, his breathing quick and raspy and Tyler immediately runs to his side, pulling him to his feet and hugging him. 

"Hey, it's okay just breathe with me okay?" 

Josh shakes his head, crying harder. "I-I can't." He says hyperventilating, just managing to force the words out. 

"Yes, you can baby, you can." Tyler replies soothingly. "Look, i'll do it with you." Tyler says and he draws his fingers up and down Josh's spine, counting out his breaths so he's finally taking in enough air. 

As soon as Josh is calm enough, Tyler pushes off his coat that's still damp from the rain. He takes his own off too, before laying Josh down on the bed. Helping him pull off his shoes before toeing off his own and crawling into the bed, curling his whole body around Josh's protectively. 

He can't tell if Josh is shaking or shivering and he checks his temperature. "Did you catch a cold from the rain?" He asks and Josh shakes his head, burying his head between Tyler's chest and the mattress. 

"We don't have to talk about it." Tyler promises, and he feels Josh relax a bit. "But, Josh, you know that i'd happily be your date to the wedding, and i'm also just as happy if you don't want me there." Tyler says smushing his cheek into the top of Josh's head and playing with the baby curls behind Josh's ear.

Josh groans and tilts his head a bit so they can keep the position but his voice isn't muffled by Tyler's body. "Stop being so perfect." He says and Tyler laughs a little, kissing the side of his head. "It's not-" Josh starts before cutting himself off, moving to lie nose to nose with Tyler instead. "I want you there, I never want to be without you, it's just..." He pulls on the strings of the hoodie Tyler is wearing, smiling fondly at all the times he's lay in the same position with Tyler right before they've kissed and swapped stories and giggled quietly until they fell asleep. He sighs as he tries to force the words out, the sadness creeping back in, but he sees the way Tyler is being so patient and he feels safe. "Half my family don't know I was sent away, they think I just cut them out a-and they're already gonna be turning their nose up at me, I don't want to cause a scene by bringing my boyfriend. Not because i'm ashamed of you or think you will cause a scene but i have no idea how they'd take me being gay and it's my sisters day not mine i can't do that to her and i can't do that to you because i don't know what i'd do if they were rude to you. W-what if they hurt you and you decide you can't be with me." 

"First of all, your family's approval, while lovely if i get it, has no bearing on how completely in love with you I am, I can assure you." Tyler says eyes searching Josh's. A hand curling round the back of Josh's neck to pull him closer so their lips almost brush when they speak. "I know that your grandpa is sick and I know that all eyes are gonna be on him already and that's why you don't want to take any more attention from your sister but don't you think it's her choice if she wants to deal with the potential mess? I really think you should tell her how you feel. Family is family and your parents, Ashley, Abby and Jordan they will defend you to anyone who tries to talk crap about you, in fact i wouldn't put it past Ashley's boyfriend to punch someone if she asked him to, and you know she would." Josh couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped him at that. 

"You always know how to make me feel better." Josh said pressing a kiss to the corner of Tyler's mouth. Tyler smiled. 

"Really? 'Cos half the time i feel like i don't know what i'm doing." He laughed and Josh laughed too, letting him kiss him again properly this time. 

"I just really wanted my grandpa's approval before..." He couldn't even finish the sentence. 

"If you want we can visit him some other time Josh, before it's too late, it doesn't have to be at a wedding." Tyler says as he threads their fingers together. 

Josh just nods and presses his forehead against Tyler's. "I really love you, I wanna just lie here with you forever." Josh smiles and Tyler hums his approval before kissing him. 

When the pull apart he begins singing the chorus to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol loudly and slightly flat because he's laughing too much but Josh just laughs and buries his face into Tyler's shoulder to keep from cringing too much. 

"You're such a dork." He laughs, and Tyler wiggles his eyebrows. 

"But I'm your dork and you love me." He teases before kissing him again and again and again. 

Tyler is halfway through math class when Josh texts him. 

_softie:_

_so i spoke to my sister about everything_

_did u mean it when u said u wanted to be my date?_

Tyler smiles like an idiot, checking his teacher hasn't notice he's on his phone before replying. 

_tyler:_

_already bought my suit!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i got really sad half way through this cos i realised im probably gonna die alone lol and they as if to spite myself i put in all the stuff about Josh's grandpa bc apparently i wanted to remind myself that my grandparents will never get to see me marry :))))))


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're baaaacckkkk.
> 
> Thanks for being patient while i re-wrote lifeline, if you haven't read that please do go back and read it it's sooooo much better now (but i'm probably bias) also the plot is the same so it wont affect this story at all in that sense :)
> 
> enjoy!

The blaring alarm caused Josh to gasp awake. He felt Tyler squeeze him closer as he reached across to turn off the offending device. Josh rolled over to bury his nose into Tyler’s neck, yawning. 

Tyler shivered. “Your nose is cold.” He mumbled sleepily into Josh’s hair. 

“Five more minutes.” Josh groaned squeezing Tyler closer to leech more heat. 

Tyler chuckled before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Gross.” Zack grimaced as he got out of bed. 

Tyler rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Josh’s shoulders protectively. 

“You’re gross.” Tyler replied. 

“Can you and your boyfriend quit it for five seconds so you can get up? We’re gonna be late for school because of him as it is.” Zack snapped trying to smooth out his bedhead. 

“Zack don’t be an asshole.” Tyler shouted. But Josh put a hand on Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Tyler it’s okay.” He said softly but Tyler shook his head sitting up. 

“No it isn’t apologise right now. Just because you’re grouchy in the mornings doesn’t mean you can just take it out on Josh.” Tyler spat. 

Zack only huffed and stormed out the room. Tyler got up to follow him, angry when Josh stopped him. 

“Tyler it’s okay really.” He pleaded but Tyler could see that there was something more to it. 

“Okay,” He said pulling Josh to sit up as he sat opposite him. “What happened between you two? And don’t lie to me I know it was something.” Tyler gave Josh a knowing look and Josh sighed defeated. 

-

“Mom could you tell Zack that I’m not driving him to school?” Tyler said across the breakfast table. 

“I’ll take him.” Tyler’s father grunted from his seat, and Tyler smiled at him. 

“Thanks dad.”

Zack glared at him over his cereal. “What did I even do?”

“You know full well what you did asshole.” Tyler snapped back causing both his parents to simultaneously berate him for his language choice. 

Josh flinched at the shouting and Tyler noticed, instantly grabbing for his hand and squeezing it. 

“Don’t shout in front of Josh.” Tyler replied calmly giving his mother a look and she apologised to Josh. Josh brushed it off, embarrassed and overly polite. 

“We’re going now.” Tyler announced picking up his and Josh’s bowls and putting them in the sink to be washed later. 

He gestured for Josh to follow him which he did, with an awkward glance at Zack who ducked his head away. 

“Okay bye sweetie.” Kelly gestured for a kiss on her cheek which Tyler gave her reluctantly. 

“Bye Josh!” Maddy called out and Josh waved at her with a smile. 

Tyler grabbed his backpack off the couch as he led Josh out of the house and to his car. 

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” Tyler said stopping Josh from getting his car just yet so they could talk. He took Josh’s hands in his. “Man, today has not been a good day and it’s not even seven thirty yet.” 

Josh chuckled and pulled Tyler in for a hug, taking a deep breath through his nose. “Sorry my anxiety makes stuff hard sometimes.” He replied sadly into Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Josh, this is not your fault. Zack has no right to treat you the way he has and it was my fault that people yelled. You’ve been nothing but your perfect self as always.” Tyler promised kissing Josh’s forehead. 

“I love you.” Josh said and Tyler smiled widely pulling him in for a slow kiss. 

Tyler pulled away just in time for his dad to open the garage door. Both boys were quick to get in Tyler’s car before he could ask why they were still on his driveway. 

As Tyler drove Josh home he pulled Josh’s hand into his lap so he could interlock their fingers, but so that when he needed to switch gears it was still resting on his thigh, waiting for him to hold again. 

Josh fiddled with the aux with his free hand, playing the playlist he made for Tyler of all the new music he found as well as a few of his favourites. Tyler smiled as Supercut by Lorde came on and lifted Josh’s hand to his lips briefly. 

When he pulled up to Josh’s house he locked the doors so Josh couldn’t get out. 

“Tyler.” Josh laughed fiddling with the lock. “Let me out.” 

“No can do I’m afraid, oh boyfriend of mine. I require payment first.” Tyler teased leaning over for a kiss. Josh rolled his eyes but leant over. 

They kissed briefly, Josh pulling back but Tyler followed him kissing him again. Josh laughed against his lips but Tyler continued to keep pecking him, holding his face close enough. 

“Tyl- _mph_.” Josh laughed as Tyler kissed him again. 

Finally, Tyler pulled away, unlocking the doors. 

“I love you.” Tyler said with a wide grin and Josh half backed out of the car before attempting another kiss, able to pull away enough for Tyler not to catch him. Tyler pouted. “Tease.” 

Josh laughed and shut the door, leaning into the vehicle through the open window. “I’m taking your heart with me Joseph.” Josh teased as he began walking away. 

“Well, your ass is mine, Dun!” Tyler shouted back, making Josh turned around bright red and laughing before he kept walking into his house. 

“Love you too!” Josh shouted back waving, still not turning to look at Tyler. 

Tyler only laughed and pulled away from the curb, realising he was probably just about gonna make it school in time. 

-

“Wait so Zack really said that to Josh?” Jenna asked as she stuffed a handful of chips into her mouth as the pair walked through the halls to their first class of the day. 

“Yeah, and don’t try to say Josh misinterpreted, I know exactly when this happened, man, Josh almost broke up with me over it.” Tyler said frustrated, taking a chip when Jenna offered out the bag to him. Her eyes were wide. 

“I was actually gonna say that sounds like something Zack would do, but what did Josh say about it?” Jenna continued, finishing the last of the chips and licking the flavouring off her fingers. 

“He told me not to get mad and that he was just looking out for me because Josh is an angel that is literally do pure for this world.” Tyler huffed and pulled his backpack higher on his back. 

Jenna laughed. 

“I’m serious, Jen! What on earth does he see in me?” Tyler whined rubbing his temples with his hands. 

Jenna scoffed and turned to face him, walking backwards and causing a few students to give her filthy looks as they had to dodge her. “You have got to stop beating yourself down, you’re both as bad as each other. Josh is always saying you’re too good for him and vice versa but honestly like did you two ever consider that _maybe_ you’re just _good for each other_.” Jenna said and Tyler looked at her in awe. She pointed a finger at him. “You’re not allowed to cry today and if you wanna thank me you know I accept payment in the form of waffles, ice cream or donuts.” 

Tyler shook his head with a laugh as Jenna wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

“I’m not buying you anymore sugar, your mom already hates me for bringing you waffles at seven in the morning last week.” Tyler said and Jenna pouted. 

“I don’t get why she was so mad.” 

“Maybe it’s because your dentist told you, you have to get three fillings.” Tyler teased back and she smacked his chest playfully. 

“No pain no gain.” She sniffed and Tyler laughed. 

“What are you gaining exactly? Diabetes?” 

Jenna smacked him again. 

“I will not tolerate this kind of bullying Tyler Joseph.” Jenna replied puffing out her chest. Tyler rolled his eyes and laughed again as the pair entered their class.


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is a heavier chapter
> 
> there's mentions of vomiting so be careful with that?
> 
> also this is kinda an actual thing happening in my family rn so pls be sensitive in the comments.

The day of Abigail Dun’s wedding arrived sooner than anyone was prepared for, but it was a beautiful ceremony, and Tyler tried to make Josh laugh, as he stood with his brother and the other groomsmen at the altar, pulling funny faces when no one was looking. 

Tyler was quick to find Josh afterwards, smiling at his boyfriend as he placed a gentle hand on his back. 

“Congratulations.” Tyler smiled to Abigail and her new husband and they both thanked him. 

Josh was shaking as everyone arrived at the reception, clinging to Tyler’s hand desperately as everyone turned to look at the two of them. 

“Do you want some water?” Tyler asked as they sat down at the family table. Josh shook his head but smiled at Tyler when he handed him a glass anyway. 

“I love you.” He said and Tyler smiled back. 

“I love you too, you’re doing fine just remember to breathe okay?” Tyler smiled as he brushed a curl off Josh’s face.

“That lady over there is staring.” Josh said quietly. Tyler laughed softly and went to pull away but Josh put a hand on his cheek to stop him. “Only fair we give her a show?” Josh bit his lip and Tyler laughed again, shaking his head at how ridiculous his boyfriend was. Josh leant over to press their lips together sweetly. The pair laughed when the woman staring huffed and turned away. 

After the speeches were done food was served. The long waits between courses allowing people to converse and travel between tables. After one too many aunts and cousins asking where Josh had been, Josh excused himself. 

Guiding Tyler to the dancefloor which was full of couples slow dancing. Tyler smirked as he pulled Josh closer by his waist, the two swaying to the music. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s neck, smiling as they pressed their foreheads together, completely oblivious to the world around them. It was just them, in a moment so precious time itself threatened to stand still, their love so great that they couldn’t stop smiling even if they wanted too. 

But then the song was ending and reality came back into focus and so were the disgusted glares of some of the older guests. 

“Let’s go for a walk yeah?” Tyler asked guiding Josh out of the reception hall and into the corridor where the toilets were situated. Josh smiled gratefully at him, taking deep breaths to calm the overwhelming anxiety sitting on his chest. 

They heard hushed arguing as they passed one of the rooms that lined the hallway. The door half open so Josh could see his mother and grandmother having some kind of argument. Josh stopped in his tracks. 

“Mother leave Bill's father alone!” Laura Dun snapped trying to keep her voice low. 

“I will not.” Josh’s grandmother scoffed, folding her arms. “I have a lot to say to him.” 

Laura sighed and rubbed her temples. “Would you give it a rest? Please? Today especially.”

The older woman looked appalled at the suggestion. “That man was off gallivanting with some floozy while you were struggling to put food on the table. I’d want to know that about my kids, wouldn’t you?” She sneered and Josh’s heart stopped. Tyler looked at Josh worriedly, reaching down to hold his hand. 

“That man is my husband, and I love him you will not hurt this family mother I won’t let you we've been through enough.” Laura sat down in one of the chairs in the room, suddenly exhausted.

“Laura,” Her mother said softly, placing a hand on her daughters. “Let me talk to him he deserves to know what his son is responsible for.”

Laura snapped then, looking up with watery eyes. “You are not ruining your granddaughters wedding bringing up the past!” She spat. “It is settled and i want to keep it that way.”

“Bill should be accountable for his ways.” The elder said with an exasperated sigh, pacing the room. 

“His father is sick; you do not have the right to ruin his final thoughts on his only son! Mother ignorance is bliss and that man needs all the bliss he can get with everything he is going through!” Laura shouted this time, frustrated. At that the older woman fell silent. Sitting down in shame. 

The door Josh had leant against creaked as it opened a little bit, causing both women to look directly at him. He froze as his mother gasped. 

“Joshua… I-” She said and Josh found himself moving, stepping into the room, Tyler right behind, shutting the door. Found himself standing head-on with his mother and cutting off any of her excuses. 

“You were never gonna tell me, were you?” 

Laura opened and closed her mouth a few times before letting out a deflated sigh. “Honey, we sorted it ourselves and we didn’t want to separate the family any more than it already was.” She said sympathetically. 

“Oh great, so this is somehow my fault now?” Josh scoffed a hand flying to his hair. 

“Joshua of course not!” His mother replied exasperated as Tyler and the grandmother watch on in shock. 

“but it is! you wouldn’t have kept it from us, from all of us if you weren’t so afraid of what i might do right? oh look at Josh he’s such a screw up, oh he’s so messed up, god forbid we say the wrong thing and he kills himself!” Josh spat, tears falling from his eyes. 

“Joshua William Dun!” His mother scolded and Tyler’s hand flew up to his mouth in worry and shock. 

“I-I can't take this anymore! All the secrets and the lies and the arguing at night when you think we can't hear.” Josh shouted, point a harsh finger at his mother who flinched a little. “You’re the reason Ashley’s grades dropped because she’s up all night listening to you bicker. You’re the reason Jordan dropped out of baseball because he wanted to get a job instead because you’re always fighting over money. You’re the reason Ashley won’t tell you that her and Abigail are in therapy. You’re the reason Abigail won’t ask for help on the wedding and is so stressed she ran away this morning!” Josh was panting hard, his eyes wide when he realised he wasn’t supposed to have let the last one slip. Instead of letting the confession linger he kept going, finally freeing everything he’d kept to himself for so long. 

“You're supposed to be the adults here; you’re supposed to love us and make us feel safe and that’s all we ever wanted from you! But instead you fight and you lie and you push and push until we can't cope anymore i was just the one who snapped first and i took Abigail and Ashley with me.” He continued. He stood for a second looking at where his mother looked ready to burst into tears and then he couldn’t take it anymore and he was running out of the room, and running until he was outside the building leaning against the wall as he threw up in some bushes. 

Tyler wasn’t far behind him, his hand instantly smoothing over Josh’s back as he heaved and cried and struggled to breathe. 

“Baby? Listen to me you’re okay, remember the five things say them to me now, come on.” Tyler said once Josh had stood up. 

“I’m alive, y-you’re alive, cats exist, you wrote a song about me.” Josh tried to speak through gasping breaths as Tyler ran his hands slowly up and down his arm, taking deep breaths with him.

“You’re doing so good baby, amazing even, just one more for me?” Tyler asked softly and Josh nodded his breathing already much slower.

“I love you and you love me.” He said taking a deep breath in through his nose. 

“Yeah i do, so much.” Tyler smiled at him and kissed his forehead. Josh nodded and leant back against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor, a few meters away from where he’d been sick. “Okay wait here, I’m gonna tell Abigail I’m taking you home.” Tyler promised. 

“You are my home.” Josh said quietly and Tyler’s heart skipped. 

“Then I’m taking you to a different place so you can feel safe.” He said crouching down to face his boyfriend. “You're my home too by the way.” He said brushing a curl off Josh’s face and kissing his nose.

Tyler was quick to run inside, he avoided any of Josh’s family that might try to talk to him, heading straight for Abigail who was talking to her friends, one arm around her husband’s waist. She looked so happy and Tyler felt almost guilty for interrupting that, but Josh was his priority.

“Uh, hey Abigail can I borrow you for just a second?” He asked politely and she looked concerned when she realised Josh wasn’t glued to his side like usual. She nodded and excused herself from her friends, heading to a corner of the room to have a private conversation.

“Is everything okay?” She asked and Tyler shook his head.

“Josh is a little overwhelmed right now, so I think it’s best I take him back to my place.”

“Where is he? I want to speak to him.” She said concerned and Tyler decided not to argue, leading her outside to her brother. 

When they found Josh, he had his head in his hands elbows propped up on his bent knees. Abigail hiked up her dress so she could crouch opposite him, her hand resting on his knee. 

“Joshie? Hey, I’m here.”

“I fucked it all up, I’m so sorry i was so happy for you and now its ruined.” Josh mumbled, sniffing hard as tears fell off his nose. 

“Nothing is ruined little brother. I mean what’s a wedding without some drama if we're being honest here?” Abigail smiled weakly, not even sure what he was talking about. 

When Josh didn’t respond, she squeezed his knee. “Tyler's gonna take such good care of you okay? And when you’re the one getting married I’m gonna remind you how happy you two were when you slow danced in front of everyone, okay? fair deal?”

“I love you so much.” Josh said finally looking up at her. 

“Maybe it’s the champagne talking but i love you too.” She shrugged and let him pull her into a hug. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek as she stood up, turning to Tyler who’d deliberately hung back. 

“Thanks for coming Tyler. Take care of my baby bro for me yeah?” She smiled.

“Of course.” Tyler promised before moving to help Josh stand up. He slotted their fingers together as they walked to his car so they could go back to Tyler’s house.


	10. ten

When Tyler got Josh back to his house he let Josh shower and brush his teeth with the spare toothbrush that was always left for Josh's visits.

Tyler gave him a pair of baggy sweatpants and his ‘Grouplove’ hoodie to change into and he smiled fondly as his boyfriend emerged from the bathroom, still damp but looking more comfortable. 

“You never dry off properly.” Tyler replied rolling his eyes and pulling on a t-shirt as he finished changing out of his own suit. 

Josh shrugged before walking over to Tyler and hugging him. Tyler placed a hand through his wet curls holding him close. They stood like that for a while the only sound their breathing. Josh burying his nose in Tyler’s neck and feeling safer than he’d felt in a while. But they weren’t close enough, he needed to be closer, he needed an anchor before his mind drifted out to sea. 

“I love you.” Tyler said with a kiss to the side of his head. 

Josh pulled back to kiss him, pushing against him desperately. Tyler kissed back but tried to slow Josh down. Josh shoved him back onto the bed before pulling off the hoodie. 

“Josh-” Tyler started but Josh climbed into his lap and began kissing him again. His hands slipping under Tyler’s shirt, tugging desperately. He whined against Tyler’s lips and Tyler finally mustered enough will power to pull away. “Josh i don't think we shoul-”

Josh kissed him again slowly this time. Before pulling back and shaking his head. “I don't want to sleep with you, just need to be closer.” He said quietly and Tyler lifted his chin to kiss him passionately. 

“Okay, that's okay.” He assured before pulling off his shirt and then pulling Josh to lie down on the bed. Josh instantly burrowed himself underneath Tyler so that his boyfriend was lay half on top of him and Tyler had to prop himself up so he didn’t crush him. 

Tyler looked at the way Josh’s eyes were tired and brimming with tears. Tyler kissed his forehead softly and brushed his thumb across Josh’s cheek. 

“You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to, do you wanna just cuddle?” Tyler asked and Josh nodded, gripping Tyler’s shoulder tightly and pulling him down to cuddle. 

Tyler pulled him into his chest as he rolled to the side, stroking a hand through Josh’s hair as he whispered soft praises. 

“Do you want me to put on Up so you can cry and we can pretend it's just the film?” He asked after a few minutes and Josh sniffed and looked at him with wide watery eyes. “Come on then.” He said with a smile. Pulling Josh off the bed and grabbing a handful of blankets before guiding Josh by the hand down the stairs. He let Josh settle under the blankets on the couch while he fished out the right DVD and put it on.

He climbed behind Josh on the couch to spoon him, so his bare chest pressed against Josh’s back and Josh couldn’t help how safe and relaxed he felt at the feeling. He squeezed Tyler’s hand tightly as it settled around his middle. 

“I love you.” Josh said weakly, already crying as the movie’s titles rolled.

“I want to protect you, I want to make you feel better, tell me what you need.” Tyler said desperate to take Josh’s pain away but he knew he couldn’t. Josh was trembling in his arms and Tyler pulled the blankets tighter around him.

“Nothing from you, j-just keep holding me please, don't ever let go.” He said through a snotty nose. Tyler instinctively held him impossibly closer and kissed down from his cheek to his neck to his shoulder. Needing Josh to understand how loved he was. 

“I would never, i love you so much.” He promised.

“I love you more.” Josh said tiredly as he turned to kiss Tyler slowly. Tyler gently brushed away his tears before letting him snuggle closer and turn back to the movie. 

The slow ministrations of Tyler running his fingers through Josh’s hair eventually lulled Josh to sleep, the movie simply providing background noise. Tyler watched the love of his life as he slept, his heart aching and silent tears falling from his own eyes because he felt so helpless. 

He was startled by his mother arriving home with his sister. The pair froze when they saw Josh asleep in Tyler’s arms and the tear tracks on both boy’s cheeks. Maddy quietly disappeared upstairs to her room but Tyler’s mother looked over them concerned before heading to the kitchen. 

As much as Tyler didn’t want to leave Josh he knew he had to speak to his mother. He broke his own heart as he untangled himself from Josh ever so carefully and left the room. 

His mother didn’t notice him standing in the doorway and she was almost shocked when she heard a timid “Mommy?” from behind her. 

She turned to see her eldest son crying like he’d fallen off his bike as a toddler. 

“Oh sweetie, shhh come here.” She said softly letting him hug her. He was tall enough now to rest his head on her shoulder as he sobbed into her shirt. “What's wrong?”

Tyler pulled away to speak to her. “What if I’m not enough?” He sobbed out. It only took a second for her to understand that he was talking about Josh. 

“Of course you're enough. What’s brought this on?” She asked, placing her hands either side of his face and looking up at him. 

“Josh's family they-” He sniffed. “They really hurt him and what if I can't fix this. W-what if I lose him for good this time, I d-don't wanna lose him he means everything to me I’ve n-never felt this way about anything before. It hurts so bad.” Tyler seemed far too overwhelmed as he struggled to breath and his mother shushed him gently, pulling him in for a hug. 

“Oh honey, it hurts because you care, you really love him. And when you love someone that much it’s more than enough I promise you.” She soothed. “This hurting, what Josh is going through, isn’t something you can fix if it’s his family’s fault only they can fix it and all you can do is be there for him, give him what he needs even if it’s space, just make sure he knows you’re there for him.” She told her son, trying to drive her words home.

Tyler nodded and wiped his eyes. “I am doing that.”

“Good. Then keep it up, you two are good together Ty, anyone can see that. Now go back to him before he wakes up. I’m proud of you.” She said and Tyler was about to question her but he decided Josh was more important. 

When he re-entered the living room Josh wasn’t sleeping he was sat upright, panicking and looking around himself. As soon as he saw Tyler he reached out for him and Tyler didn’t waste any time rushing to his side and pulling him into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry, I won’t leave without telling you again, I promise.” Tyler said kissing Josh’s forehead. Josh clung to him. 

“I’m sorry I’m so clingy.” He whispered and Tyler shook his head. 

“Really? I love it.” He said kissing Josh’s nose. 

“Tyler, I-I need you to understand how much I mean it when I say that you make me so happy.” Josh said resting their foreheads together. “Nothing feels as safe as you, you really are my home and I love you more than I can put into words and I know I can be a burden but I just want you to understand how much it means to me that you’re in my life.” 

Tyler’s heart threatened to leap out of his chest and tears stung Tyler’s eyes. 

“You’re not a burden, don’t you ever say that again, I consider myself the luckiest man on the entire planet ‘cos I get to see every side of you even the vulnerable sad one. You’re so darn beautiful Josh, gosh, y-you’re _everything_ and if you don’t kiss me right now I think I might die.” Tyler said and Josh blushed, chuckling softly as he pushed his lips onto Tyler’s pushing him down so he was lay on top of him. 

They kissed until their jaws ached and then Josh snuggled down on Tyler’s chest, listening to his heart beating and smiling softly. 

“I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything.” Tyler said, playing with the baby curls at the nape of Josh’s neck. Josh sat up a little then to pepper his face with kisses before settling back down again. 

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. 

“Tomorrow’s a new day, you just start over okay? You can always start over.” Tyler said softly pressing a kiss to Josh’s forehead and then pulling the blankets back over themselves. 

“Why do you always know what to say?”

“Because I love you.” Tyler grinned and Josh rolled his eyes but smiled shyly.

When Mrs. Joseph came into the room a bit later to ask if Josh was staying for dinner, she found her son passed out asleep, wrapped protectively around an equally asleep Josh, the credits to the movie they’d been watching rolling in the background. 

She smiled to herself at the sight before turning off the TV and heading upstairs to find her daughter.


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just finished my exams so before i disappear to Leeds festival for a week i'm trying to update as many fics as possible dhsjfh 
> 
> so sorry i've been taking so long with updates but after next week i should be able to get more regular at updating again! 
> 
> i hope you're having a great day ily !!

“Tyler, I’m open!” Zack shouted, waving his hands and trying to get his brothers attention in their practice game. Tyler ignored him and went for the basket himself and lost possession of the ball just as he went to shoot. His teammates groaned as the ball moved down the other end of the court. 

“Joseph, why didn’t you pass to Zack?” The coach said as the game finished. Tyler shrugged and took a long drink for panting out his reply. 

“I thought I had it, sorry coach. It won’t happen again.” He promised and his coach gave him a disapproving look before walking over to another player he needed to yell at. 

Tyler was quick to gather his things from the locker room, preferring to shower when he got home before he went to Josh’s house. He smiled to himself as he hiked his bag onto his shoulder, he knows it’s probably kinda weird for a high school junior to act like a married man who goes home to his husband every evening but he can’t help it, Josh just makes everything feel like it’s right where it’s meant to be, that _he’s_ right where he’s meant to be and that’s right by Josh’s side. Plus he can’t sleep unless he can feel Josh close to him, and then there’s just the way Josh scrunches his nose and it makes Tyler’s chest go all fuzzy, like static in between his lungs and how his laugh makes him feel giddy with lovesickness…

Tyler snapped out of his musings by someone shouting his name behind him in the parking lot. 

“Tyler wait! Mom said you have to drive me home too.” Zack shouted and Tyler rolled his eyes but refused to turn back around, pulling his hood up and continuing to walk to his car. 

“Tyler it’s been a month can you stop ignoring me already! You’re being ridiculous.” Zack huffed, running to catch up. 

Tyler felt his blood boil and he instantly turned on his heel. “It is not ridiculous.” He spat. 

“Tyler do you hear yourself? You’re acting like a child, y-you’re supposed to be my best friend.” Zack’s look of hurt made Tyler falter for a second before he held his ground. 

“You just don’t get it do you?” Tyler replied angrily. “See this, this is why Tatum won’t go out with you, because you have the emotional capabilities of a teaspoon.” Tyler rolled his eyes and continued walking towards his car. 

“You know you’re not exactly the most empathetic person, you never consider how your actions hurt other people. I’m not the one who broke mom’s heart.” Zack yelled back hurt and Tyler visibly flinched as he stopped walking. 

“Fuck you Zack.” He spat and both boys stood staring off one another for a minute or two before the silence grew overwhelming as neither one refused to back down. _Curse, their mother for passing on her stubbornness._

“Can you imagine how it feels, as someone with anxiety and no will to live, to hear that the only person who’s ever helped you, ever made you feel special or important or like _for once_ in your life you should actually _try_ to give life a chance –to hear that their own health is jeopardised by being friends with you. To be threatened by their family, who you assume must love them and want what’s best for them and know them better than you do, to stay away. Because this person you owe everything to is supposedly being damaged by your presence. Can you imagine being told that the evil voice in your head that tells you, you fuck _everything_ up, is right and that you are going to hurt the person you’re in love with. Being made to feel selfish for something that saved your life, for _loving_ someone. Because that’s how you made him feel Zack. 

“I didn’t get better until he showed me how to, until I cared more about his life than ending my own and what you said to him was disgusting and literally _none_ of it was true. You almost cost me the most important thing in my life, can you imagine how you would feel if someone tried to do that to you because they _“care”_. Can you get what that feels like because I really think you can’t or you would never have done what you did. 

“That is why I don’t want to talk to you, because every time I look at you I think about how you’re partly responsible for him relapsing, _you’re_ part of the reason I almost lost the only good and pure thing I’ve ever had in my life. When I look at you-” Tyler took a deep breath, blinking back the tears welling in his eyes. “I see Josh’s face when he was hurting and how I felt so helpless, because I almost lost him, I think about how he left me, left _everything_ , because he thought it was how to help me because he listened to _you_.”

Tyler shook his head as he let his words hang in the thick atmosphere between them. He scoffed as Zack just stared at him, shaking and unsure how to respond. 

“Find your own way home Zack, I don’t want to be around you.” Tyler sniffed and began walking to his car again leaving Zack still in shock behind him. 

Tyler ran straight upstairs when he got home. He was just getting out of the shower when he heard Zack come in. 

“Honey why weren’t you with Tyler?” His mother asked and Tyler listened at the door of their shared bedroom to see if Zack ratted him out. His eyebrows raised when he didn’t, instead lying and saying he just wanted to hang out with some friends. 

He was quick to move away from the door, quickly shoving on some fresh clothes before Zack came in. He didn’t look up from where he was putting on some shoes.   
Zack opened his mouth as though to say something but he quickly shut his mouth when Tyler got up. Tyler grabbed a bag and stuffed some overnight clothes and essentials into it silently, before grabbing his school bag and heading out the room all while still managing to avoid Zack’s eyes. 

“Mom, I’m staying at Josh’s house tonight. His sister is still on her honeymoon and their dad isn’t staying with them ‘cos of all the drama so Ashley and Jordan need someone to drive them to school tomorrow.” Tyler explained and his mother looked up from the maths tests she was grading with a furrowed brow.   
“Why only tomorrow, how have they been getting to school the rest of the week?” She pursed her lips and Tyler knew she didn’t believe him. 

“Their mom but she’s a nurse so she works random hours.” Tyler shrugged and his mom squinted at him, as though it might squeeze a confession from him. 

“You know how I feel about sleepovers with Josh, especially on a school night.” 

“Mom.” Tyler groaned, rolling his eyes. Kelly sighed setting down her red pen and pulling off her glasses. 

“Just promise me you’ll be safe if you’re gonna-”

“Oh my gosh mom _stop_.” Tyler almost squealed. “If you must know we haven’t done - _that_.” Tyler flailed his hands as he said the last word his whole head bright red. 

“Oh.” His mom seemed surprised by this confession which only confused him more.

“It’s not that- he wants to wait and I’m happy if he’s happy so- yeah. T-that’s uh, c-can this conversation be over now?” Tyler had never felt so mortified in his life but his mother bit back a chuckle. She nodded, getting up and opening the fridge. 

“Here, take them some lasagne in case they haven’t had time to sort out any dinner.” She said thrusting Tupperware containers into Tyler’s hand. Tyler smiled at his mother kissing her on the cheek in thanks realising this was her giving him permission to go before turning to leave. 

“Love you.” She called after him and he instantly called back the same. Ignorant to the small laugh and shake of her head she gave as she watched him go.


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been way too long!! my lifes a mess my heads a mess
> 
> have some fluffy beans in bed

“Tyler you did not say that to him!” Josh replied exasperated, standing up from his bed to look at his boyfriend, who’d just finished telling him about his fight with his brother.

“What?”

“Okay most of what you said was true and I’m happy you’re willing to stick up for me like that, but-” Josh sighed, sitting down on the bed to look Tyler in the eye.

“Ty, you always tell me, it’s no one’s fault when I relapse, you can’t just blame Zack for something like that because you’re mad at him now. Zack was looking out for you and I understood that, and yes, it set me back a bit when I realised he was right but I was sick Tyler, a broken pencil was enough to make me cry at that point in my life.” Josh explained and Tyler bowed his head in shame.

“He’s your best friend, and yeah, he’s an asshole sometimes, but you went too far and deep down you know that _too_. I don’t want to be the thing that breaks you apart, so _please,_ would you just talk to him?

“For me?” Josh asked softly, pressing his lips to Tyler’s forehead when he sniffed and refused to look up.

“Okay.” He mumbled and Josh pressed another lingering kiss to his head.

Josh lay down and let Tyler fall beside him, curling around his side. “I just wanna protect you.” Tyler mumbled sadly into Josh’s shoulder and Josh turned to him.

“And when I get attacked by a bear you’re more than welcome to step in.” Josh teased and Tyler groaned playfully. “But, being mean to Zack doesn’t protect anyone, it just upsets you both.”

“I hate that you’re right.” Tyler replied and Josh only huffed out a laugh.

“You love me.” He said pulling Tyler in for a slow kiss before he could protest.

Tyler instantly reciprocated the kiss, letting it deepen and getting more and more enthusiastic. When they pulled apart for air, he let his thumb brush across Josh’s cheek.

“I love you so much.” He whispered like it was his most cherished secret and Josh couldn’t help the blush that rose in his cheeks.

“I love you.” Josh replied, leaning into his boyfriend’s touch ever so slightly. The two kissed again, sensual and slow this time, savouring the moment.

When they pulled apart, Josh shifted to rest his head against Tyler’s, closing his eyes.

“Hey, Josh?” Tyler asked after they lay in silence for a while. Josh’s eyes fluttered open as he lifted his head and looked at Tyler, humming his acknowledgement.

“Do you ever want to go further, wh-with our relationship?” Tyler coughed a little, his throat hoarse with nerves and his cheeks burning a little. He couldn’t look Josh in the eye.

Josh studied his face, confused. “What do you mean?”

Tyler blushed even harder, realising Josh was perhaps more innocent than he thought.

“I mean, if-if you were comfortable, I wouldn’t mind- we don’t have to- but I was thinking about it and, well, um…” Tyler wanted to slap himself, he just wanted to ask Josh a simple question. He shook his head and pulled back to look a very confused Josh in the eye, taking a deep breath he tried again.

“If you wanted to have sex I would be totally okay with that, but I don’t want to pressure you, so I’m just letting you know that if you’re ready you can tell me, but also if you never wanted to I’d be okay with that to because I know some people don’t like it and-”

Tyler’s ramble was cut short by Josh crashing their lips together for a kiss, it caught Tyler off guard but he quickly took control, rolling on top of Josh as their tongues brushed together.

Josh pulled back before things could get too carried away.

“I really want to do that, but uh...” Josh groaned putting a hand over his face. “ _oh gosh,_ this is so embarrassing.”

Tyler pulled his hands away from his face. “You can tell me Josh; you can trust me.”

“I _do_ trust you Ty, it’s just, being a virgin at eighteen isn’t a fact about myself I necessarily feel proud of.” Josh groaned, before freezing realising he’d said it out loud anyway.

Tyler visibly relaxed, smiling a little. He reached up to brush a stray curl off Josh’s face. “It’s cute you think that’s a big deal to me.”

Josh blushed and looked anywhere but up at Tyler. “I was a loner before… _things_ and then I met you so…”

“It doesn’t matter, people lose their virginity at different times, it doesn’t affect who you are or how people should perceive you.” Tyler assured. “Besides, the first time is always kinda awful.” Tyler shrugged. Josh’s head instantly snapped to look at his boyfriend.

“It is?”

“Yeah, it can hurt a lot too, I guess that’s more for girls and like, whoever is receiving or whatever but you kinda have to get through the crappy one before you can enjoy it anyways. The first time is overrated if you ask me.” Tyler said before mentally slapping himself once again, he was sounding like one of his douche (but still alright) teammates.

“You’ve done it before?” Josh asked hesitantly, not sure why that made him feel slightly jealous.

Tyler nodded slowly. “Only like once, it wasn’t great, I kinda did it cos I thought everyone was, and I just, wanted to see what the fuss was about.” He shrugged again.

“I sound like an asshole.”

“No!” Josh said quickly, blushing. “I-I’m glad you told me, and I guess it helps if at least one of us knows what they’re doing?” Josh offered and Tyler smiled.

“I’m gonna make your first-time special okay? It’ll be romantic and-and we’ll be extra gentle and I want this to count. I _want_ to be with you, I never had feelings for the girl I slept with, this time it’ll _mean something_.” Tyler assured and Josh couldn’t help but smile as his chest grew fuzzy with nerves and love. He nodded before pulling Tyler down for an excited air-stealing kiss.

“When?” He asked as they pulled away breathless.

Tyler chuckled and rested his forehead onto Josh’s.

“We’ll wait for one of our houses to be free of parents and just let it progress naturally from them. I don’t want to force this. I love you too much to ruin this by being too hasty.” He said and Josh nodded pulling Tyler in for yet another passionate kiss, his jaw ached and his heart was beating way too fast but he was too in love to care.

The anticipation made his hands shake, but Tyler’s fingers threaded with Josh’s and it didn’t matter anymore. Josh was safe in Tyler’s hands, he always would be. Home was Tyler, home was piano fingers tapping out silent music on his spine, it was soft lips working against his own, it was Tyler’s gravelly voice when he was being quiet and caring and talking Josh down, it was how Tyler was always so warm when he pulled Josh into himself as they slept. Josh always wanted to be home and Tyler wanted that too.


	13. thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft fluff (implied smut) idk ull see

Tyler’s warm. From head to toe, his whole body radiated warmth. It wasn’t something he was used to, usually he was cold, always so. He’d wear layers and layers even when everyone else was in just a t-shirt.

Josh was always warm, and Tyler had been envious of it, but only until he curled himself around his boyfriend and then he was pretty warm too, but not like this. _This_ was different, he wasn’t just warm on the outside, like a fluffy blanket could fix, it was inside his core. It radiated through his whole body, reaching out to his fingertips as they grazed over the soft skin of Josh’s chest, over the rough stubble on his jaw, on the course hairs on Josh’s thighs. It was a warmth that bubbled over through a laugh and a cheek splitting smile that he just couldn’t stop, no matter how much he pressed his lips against Josh’s eager mouth. It grew until his cheeks were flushed pink and his hairs stood on end, and he shuddered under the cool tips of Josh’s fingers as they grazed down his bare back.

He was a little sweaty but so was Josh and neither one cared, lost in the feel of skin on skin and breathy moans pushed against parting lips. It was slow and soft and gentle and warm and Tyler considered that maybe he wanted to die this way, and Josh already knew he did. Tyler kissed at whatever exposed skin he could find, sluggish and blissed out and so so _warm_.

“I love you.” Tyler promised as Josh’s eyes squeezed shut and his nails dug deeper and he gasped ever so slightly. Josh nodded back, exhausted and fragile and barely hanging on, pushing his forehead into Tyler’s so they could both feel the shared warmth between them, tension palpable.

Tyler took one last roll of his hips before he was floating, heart beat throbbing in his chest and warmth spilling over finally, like lava. He pulled Josh closer as he whimpered, muffled by Tyler’s shoulder.

Before reality slowly filtered back and both boys were sticky for more than one reason and panting hard, Tyler blanketed over Josh. Tingles ran down the length of Tyler’s exposed skin, sweat evaporating and living a chill, scratches stinging, it made him shiver in a way he knew shouldn’t be so enjoyable.

Carefully Tyler moved off Josh, so he could breathe. But he doesn’t go far, immediately pulling Josh into his side, brushing dark curls away from where they stick to his forehead. They stare into each other’s eyes for a second.

“So beautiful.” Tyler whispers and Josh’s already pink skin flushed darker as he looked away bashfully. He takes Tyler’s hand that’s cupping his cheek and pulls it around to press a soft kiss to the palm, snuggling his face into it as Tyler shifts closer again.

Soft conversation breaks out between them, because it always does, because everything is so easy with them, there’s always something to talk about and bond over. But soon the soft words and praises that make Josh bite his lip and scrunch his face fade away into even softer snores as Josh falls asleep on Tyler’s chest, cheek smushed and mouth open. Tyler’s heart skips, and a warm smile spreads onto his face for the millionth time that evening as he strokes hair off his love’s face and thinks about how they’re going to be together forever.

Tyler’s warm, he’s so so _warm,_ from head to toe.


End file.
